Beginning of Jan 2015 I was late... yeah that kind of late. It was in the middle of my work day that the thought hit me "Could I be pregnant?" We had two kids and my youngest was just over 1. We had just sold our house and were planning on building... We were not planning on anymore children. My previous three pregnancies (one miscarriage) had been thought about it, prayed about, hoped for and literally charted out (Type A to the max). So although the thought crossed my mind questioning why I was three days late, I really didn't believe it! With my three other pregnancies I would test days before I even missed and then I usually told Matt in some cute way (He never knew I took a test or any of the timing of when we could know). But for some reason this time I felt like cluing him in. I sent him a text that day during my lunch saying, "Hey so i'm late... I don't think I'm pregnant but I'll get a test on my way home, just wanted you to have to think about it all day like I am!" I don't actually remember his response"thanks for the heads up." "Now i'm going to worry all day" something like that.
On the way home I picked up a test at the local Family Dollar (my favorite place to buy pregnancy tests). My good friend was my childcare at this time (it's ever changing)at my house. It was the new year so we had started a workout plan doing Julian Michaelis 90 Shred together after I got home from work. As I drive home, all I want to do is take this test and know either way! Sidenote to this story~ this dear friend of mine had been struggling with infertility for years. We grew up together and both of our dreams was only to be married and have babies. My dreams had come true~ Her's had not. She was always very happy for us when one of us friends announced our pregnancy, but we all could still feel the little heart pains it caused to know it "Another year another baby and it's still not me".
I got home and gave kisses to my kids and said, "I'm just going to change and then we'll do our workout." I ducked into the the bathroom with my clothes and more importantly my test. With all my other desperately yearned for pregnancies this was such a fun part~ peeing on that stick, seeing those two pink lines! Now my stomach was in my throat (not in an excitement way). I did my job and set it on the counter, INSTANTLY two pink lines popped up! Again with all the others i'd stand there watching the stick- hoping for it to change- willing it to change. Probably because all my other ones I took very early; they didn't change fast. Now I was 3-4 days late so it showed FAST! Tears stung my eyes. My friends face came to mind~ How can God give me another baby when I don't want another one! and not bless her with just one when she so desperately wants to be a mom! We had just changed insurance to a high deductible that wouldn't even allow me to go to the clinic 2 blocks away from house (Because ObamaCare makes total sense). We weren't planning on more kids, so there was no need to have "good" insurance. All these thoughts are going through my head as I'm in my bathroom "changing".
I obviously had to pull myself together and come out but I couldn't breakdown in front of my friend~ I couldn't let her see how upset I was about a BLESSING!
I got through the workout and "happily" told her goodbye, without letting on how upset I was. That night when Matt walked through the door he just looked at me and I burst into tears. "It's positive Huh?" He acted like an adult and told me how it was going to ok and it is what it is. We couldn't change it now. I continued to cry and think about all the details. The insurance change. Paying for more childcare. Are we still going to get to build our house?
You might be reading this totally identify with me, "Been there sister #1 #3 #5 or maybe #8 wasn't written on my personal calendar either) Or you might be reading this thinking "Are you serious? You are married and stable, big deal you had one more kid!" I actually understand both ways of thinking.
I was still nursing my youngest little girl (aka still hormonal for that pregnancy). As soon as I found out she was cut off. My mind said, "If I have do this all again in 9 months. I need a little break." I went into action and started calling about insurance, because I did NOT want to have a different Dr. The hospital I had used was the only one that did water-births and that is what I had done previously and loved it. Within a month or so I got that all figured out and could change plans because there was a change in "health" (pregnancy). All of my pregnancies I get really sick. I think another reason I just didn't want to do it again. I feel like I have the flu for at least 22-23 weeks. It lasts all day.... and for this one actually in the night too. I would wake up in the middle of the night nauseous.
Matt went and told his parents right away (which isn't what we normally do). He needed someone to talk to. I told a close friend that next week and explained how I frustrated I was feeling and I think I emailed my dad. Building a house and having the baby was stresses us both out. We hadn't started yet so the decision was do we still do it or do we buy the house we are renting? It all just felt like a lot at once. In the end both set of parents encouraged building if that is what we really wanted (which it was).
Everyday at work I would puke in between my seeing my patients and the only thing that I could keep down was Subway (seems weird). I decided since I was getting a 3rd chance I didn't want to know the gender this time. We knew with the other two and I wanted something different. So at my 20 week ultrasound I wasn't as intense as I had been for the others, when I wanted to find out. I didn't ask a lot of questions and the tech didn't give any hint for concern.
The next morning my Dr called me right before I was leaving for work. My babysitter was already there, but I quickly took the call. She explained she had read my ultrasound and "This pregnancy isn't going to be like the others." Wow, all the things you can think of in those 3 secs of the unknown! Of course my first thought was, "Is there something wrong with the baby?" She went on to explain that I had placenta previa. This is were the placenta attaches by the cervix instead of at the top of the uterus. For those of you who don't know the cervix is what opens to 10cm to allow the baby to come out during delivery. So if the placenta is attached to this area that needs to start softening and opening, it will tear the placenta and the baby won't be able to breath and the mom could bleed to death. She wanted to be come back the next week for another appointment to check some things and talk about what the plan would be. Of course now I feel guilty. I didn't want this pregnancy to begin with and now something was wrong! I remember coming out of the laundry room and looking at the babysitter and starting to cry! She hugged me :)
I HAD to switch Drs (as stated above did not want that). I HAD to have an early c-section because I couldn't dilate or I could loose the baby or bleed to death. I HAD to take it easy or I could start bleeding and be put on bed-rest.
I don't believe in karma - but I always joked that this was my karma pregnancy
1. I had always judged those who would be pregnant and say "We weren't trying it just happen." Ummm we're all adults here, we know how babies are made so that doesn't make sense! -Well we were't trying and it just happened! I really still don't know how (except God knew I need #3).
2. I was a water-birthing, no drugs, no help, no need for all this medical stuff, Business of Being Born watching, Ina May guide to childbirth reading kinda Mama- C-sections are for the wimps who don't know their body and can't deal with pain....... My c-section was scheduled for Fri Aug 21st 7am.
3. Who doesn't have a name for their baby picked out by the time they are born? You have 9 months people, figure it out! hmmmm because we didn't know the gender and never agree on anything ( we have nothing in common as a couple, lol) We had no name until the night before the c-section. I should say we had lots of names just none we both liked.
Aug 21st 2015 Fallon Elizabth Kennly Blomberg was born via C-section at 37ish weeks. 5lbs and 1oz. I still had all my baby girl clothes from Finnley since she was only 1 when we found out- so I was happy for another girl! I still struggled that first year when things weren't going smoothly with the thoughts that, "This wasn't my plan, I wanted a life I could easily manage!" Matt literally started building the house two days after Fallon was born, again not ideal. He worked all day and then went to our house and worked late nights and every weekend. I was home alone with three little kids and headed off on Sundays by myself with three little kids. I had one Sunday when a mentor mom asked me, "How are you doing?" I looked at her and burst into tears. I was so embarrassed, but it was good to be honest. I wasn't good (that day). I was overwhelmed. I was tired. I wanted the house to be done and to see my husband again.
It was a tough year. My mom has always read me the Bible verse
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and guide you.Plans to give you a hope and a future~Jerm 29:11
I got a new chalkboard during the begining of that pregnancy and wrote out that verse. I put it right in my kitchen where I could see it everyday. I now have it in my bedroom. I love to look at it and remember back crying as I wrote it out, trying to cling to the truth that His plans are for good.
My Fallon is truly such a joy in my life! She looks completely different from my other two and she is so sweet. She's friendly and the most complimentary 2 year old you'll ever meet! Daily she tells me, "I love yours socks mom!" or "OOOh your nails are so pretty!" I do think as parents we mesh better with different kids due to personality or whatever. I really butt-heads with my middle daughter (right now at least). So my sweet,petite Fallon is so refreshing.
God knows what He is doing and what we need~ or don't need. He knew I needed Fallon. He knew I probably would get too prideful without throwing #3 into my mix. He knew....